How can we as Christians know for a fact that we have a relationship with Christ?

Original Question:
"How can we as Christians know for a fact that we have a relationship with Christ? Recently, it's been really hard to see what God wants me to do and hear His voice. I've been struggling with doubt, which I know a lot of Christians do, but it's still rough. Is it possible for a relationship with Christ to end? Or are we guaranteed salvation once we have accepted the Holy Spirit? (I know we are "sealed" with the Holy Spirit (Eph 1:13), but is it still possible to lose our salvation?)
How can we be certain that we actually know Jesus and aren't like those to whom God will say "depart from me, for I never knew you."? I ask this because I still want to live my life for Christ and know that I have been filled with the Holy Spirit. Is it possible that I'm focusing too much on the doing things for Christ, even if they are for His glory and for the spreading of the gospel, part of Christianity and not enough on the relationship part of it?
Could it be that God's silence at this point in my life be like the silence Abraham experienced for years? I ask all of this because I know that I had a really active relationship with Christ over the last few months, but it seems to have gotten a lot quieter recently.
How can we strengthen our relationship with Christ? Are there other ways aside from prayer and reading the Bible regularly?
Sorry this was so long."

Response:

Hey,
No apology necessary. GREAT QUESTIONS. For starters...NO, ABSOLUTELY 100%, 1,000,000,000% to the infinite power can a TRUE BELIEVER ever LOSE THEIR SALVATION. If you are in Christ, you are a new creation. If I asked you could Jesus accidentally become UN-Resurrected then you'd probably say no. It's the same with your salvation. It's grounded in Jesus, not you. The feelings will come and go, but the "faith" is based on a trust. Yes, you will go through dry spells of testing, much like Abraham, but that doesn't mean that you've lost your salvation. Below is an article that has been extremely helpful to me. It's written by my friend Matt Slick (www.carm.org). It's a little long but I encourage you to read it. Also, I'll put some more thoughts at the end.

The Assurance of Salvation
One of the more annoying problems in Christians' lives is the issue of assurance of salvation.  We've all been there.  We've all wondered if we are really saved or not.  We've looked at our lives and actions and thoughts and sometimes just said, "How can I be saved if I am like this?"  I've counseled many Christians who have doubted their salvation and who have worked themselves into a worry and sometimes even depression over the issue.  I've always thought that the solution was pretty basic.  I ask the person, "Why do you think you might not be saved?"  Almost always the reason is, "Because I have a sin in my life.  Because I can't beat this one sin.  Because of my thoughts.   Because I keep failing."  "Okay," I say.  "So you know you're supposed to be doing better than you are, right?"  "Yes," they say.  "I am supposed to be doing better and I'm not.  This is why I doubt that I am saved."  So, I give them this illustration.
Let's say that we are on a 20 foot boat out in the ocean.  We are sailing along when we notice two men in the water.  There is no other boat around, so it is obvious these two men are in trouble.  We take a life preserver, tie it to a rope, and throw it to them.  It lands just a few feet short.  We start yelling and yelling for them to grab the life preserver so we can pull them in.  "Come on," we yell.  "Grab it!  Grab it!"  One of the men, exhausted, reaches out his arm for the life preserver but falls short.  "Grab it!" we yell again.  He reaches again and his arm plops down in the water from fatigue.  The waves slap his face, but he tries again.  The other man is simply floating face down in the water.  He isn't struggling at all.  But, the first man is trying for that life preserver.  He is fighting against the ocean, the wind, and the waves, all which are greater than he is.  That is when I ask the person, "Which one of the two men in the water is alive?"  Always, the response is, "The one reaching for the life preserver."  "Right," I say.  "He is struggling for life.  Dead people don't struggle for life.... and spiritually dead people do not struggle against their sin.  Only those who are dead, who have no life in them, do not struggle.  The fact that you are struggling against your sin is one very good sign that you are very much alive in Christ.  If you were not struggling at all, then it might be true that you weren't saved.  But, since you war against your sins, then it sure sounds like you're saved to me."  Usually, the eyes brighten at this point.  I then keep going.
"Do you believe there is only one God in all existence, all places, and all times?"  "Yes," they answer.  "Do you believe in the Trinity, that God is three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit?"  Again, "Yes."  I continue.  "Do you believe Jesus is God in flesh?"  "Yes."  "Do you believe Jesus is the only way to salvation?"  Again, "Yes."  "Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins and rose from the dead three days later?"  Another, "Yes."  "Good," I say.
1 Cor. 2:14 says, "But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised."  I continue by telling them that a natural man is someone who is not saved.  Now, these are absolutely, definitely spiritually discerned truths that they answered yes to above.  They are that there is only one God and that God is a Trinity, that Jesus is God in flesh, that Jesus is the only way to salvation, and that Jesus died for your sins and rose from the dead three days later.  In other words, the fact that the person confesses these things and believes them is further, very strong evidence, that he is spiritually alive.  Usually, the person is encouraged even more.
And finally, I tell them that Jesus gives us eternal life (John 10:27-28) and He does not fake us out when we ask to be forgiven and for Him to be Lord of our lives.  He said in Luke 11:10-13, "For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it shall be opened. 11Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?  12"Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he?  13"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" In other words, you get what you ask for from the Lord (except for sinful and selfish things, of course); He does not bait-and-switch.  If you ask for eternal life from Jesus, that is what you get--no matter how you feel, no matter how your emotions may mislead you.  The truth is that God's word tells us that the Father will give the Holy Spirit to us if we ask.  The Holy Spirit only indwells believers.
We all have our struggles and we all need to take into account the fact that we are still sinful and we are going to struggle with our sin.  But, if you begin to doubt your salvation because you don't "feel" saved, then stop trusting your feelings and start trusting God at His word.  Ask yourself if you are struggling against your sin.  If you aren't, maybe you aren't saved.  But, if you are, then that is a sign of life.  Ask yourself if you believe in the Trinity, that Jesus is God in flesh, and that He died and rose from the dead.  If you do, that is a sign of spiritual renewal.  Ask yourself if you believe what Jesus said about Him not faking you out, about Him giving to you the Spirit if you ask.  If you do, then that means you are believing Him at His word.  Take your eyes off your feelings and failures and put them on Christ, His word, and His sacrifice.  Trust in Him and Him alone.... not what you feel, not at what you fail.  He didn't save you because of your works or your "goodness."  He did not save you because of what is or is not in you. He saved you because of what is in Him: love and truth.


I just think that's great. You'd also asked what are some other things that you can be doing to strengthen your faith besides reading your bible and praying. That's a great question. There's an easy answer to. SERVICE. I've found that when I'm dead in my "faith feelings" when I serve others...i start to come back to life. I'd encourage you to find an area to serve, hopefully at your church. Then read and pray about that area of service. Start to look at the world around you, see the need, notice people, talk to people that you'd never talk to, and take the time to "do" for others what you'd with they'd "do" for you. In can be as simple as sitting with a "loser" at lunch or as grand as giving away your time, money, and possessions to someone in great need.

I hope that this has been helpful to you. Keep persevering. It will all be worth it when we see Jesus face to face.

Love in Christ,
Derrick Harris